


cuatro, cinco, sex

by sketchnurse



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Fake Fake Real Gay Sex, First Time, M/M, Porn With Plot, That Night on Cinco, extreme em dash abuse, just hands, mostly just a bunch of porn, really just filthy stuff, should the guy?, with the long repressed sexuality?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:26:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27945266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketchnurse/pseuds/sketchnurse
Summary: It seemed spending time with two magicians really had had an effect on Ann Veal, because on this Cinco de Cuatro, it was her turn to make the illusions. The secret to Ann Veal's revolutionary Christian Straight-To-Gay Conversion was, of course, the same as the secret to Tony Wonder's famous Now Everybody's Gay! act. All you had to do was get two fake straights into a room, trick them into wearing masks of each other under the guise of helping them get revenge, and let the gayness that had always been there work its magic.Gob and Tony had never stood a chance.
Relationships: George Oscar "Gob" Bluth/Tony Wonder
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	cuatro, cinco, sex

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I just wanted to write out how exactly these two idiots went from thinking they were going to have weird mask sex with Ann Veal in order to make a fake gay/real straight sex tape in order to destroy the other's career to actually just banging each other. And I wrote that, but right after that is just a bunch of filthy, filthy porn. Will Arnett's bedroom voice demanded it.

It wasn't the first time Gob had sat on the edge of a bed, sweating under a mask, waiting for a sexual partner to come into the room for some adult recreation. He could feel his pulse racing in his neck, which also wasn't unfamilar when it came to that awful period just before sex, when you were waiting on the edge of the bed in the one hour motel, wondering if Tina's breasts were going to live up to the airbrushed promises from her escort card, or if you were going to be disgusted again by your sex worker's failure to be that impossible standard of womanhood that was apparently necessary for you to become properly aroused by her appearance alone, like those other straight guys seemed to be able to do no problem even with the uggos. You know, when you're so, so straight that you've only managed to get an instant boner from women so hot you can't help but think about all the other guys who must have had sex with them? 

This was like that, and also unlike that, because Gob had of course been intimate with, uh, her, before, and having to get warmed up all by himself because that one certainly wasn't going to help wasn't something to be scared of. He was super good at jerking off because he jerked off all the time, and he'd done it in front of plenty of women. In fact, most of the time he had sex it was mostly just women watching him pull his own dick, or him jacking off and then bending them over the nearest surface for a good 90 seconds of thrusting (quality over quantity, which he'd heard from like a _hundred_ people). And that was totally fine, because many of those women had been repeat customers. Well, the ones he didn't drug himself into forgetting he'd jacked off so hard in front of. Look, these women just like cocks. Big, throbbing, glistening cocks, pulsing as they're about to—

Her had insisted on doing the real deal once she'd been satisfied with his erection last time, though. Shit, _was_ this going to be like that last time? Sex was sex, because Gob loved orgasms he got to have while someone was paying attention to him, but did he really want to have to put in that much work? Sex was so much work. Should- should the guy— when he's waiting all sweaty in a— in a $200 custom latex mask—

'Show me the pleasures of the flesh, Gob', Girl had said, that first time that had ended up being fine and it was fine, would you stop asking? She'd been all naked and reclined on the bed in that big nest of pillows and stuffed animals, waiting for Gob to unite their bodies. It being her first time rounding home base, she hadn't had any conception of the fact that Gob was extremely terrible at pleasing women who didn't give him explicit directions. With her complete lack of input or action of any kind beyond blinking at him in what might have been intended to be a seductive manner, all Gob could come up with was laying next to her on the bed and essentially just putting their equipment in the proper configuration until enough stimulation had occured for him to ejaculate; he was so uninterested in the event that his mind wandered, circling most frequently around a recent magical illusion of, you guessed it, Tony Wonder's, that he hadn't been able to figure out. 

_How come I can't be as clever as Tony?_ Gob had wondered, staring out at the night sky through the window while his partner occasionally exclaimed things like 'Thank you God, for this gift' and 'Now I see why you created us this way!' and 'This is so much _moister_ than I imagined!' _It's not fair, for a guy to be so successful and good looking and also clever at magic. I should be all of those things! Screw what everyone says; I_ am _all of those things! And one day I'm going to prove to Tony Wonder that I'm just as sexy as he is, and then I'll get all of those women who won't sleep with him because he's all gay now, and he'll be so jealous he'll be begging me—begging me to just—to tell him—Tony'll be on his knees just desperate for me—_

It goes without saying what happened around this point of Gob's train of thought. 

"Oh, _wow_!" 

_Who said that_ , Gob had wondered, before he'd looked down and noticed that there was a girl he was inside of. "Oh, yeah, that, that was some sex." He removed himself and shimmied a few inches down the bed, away from her. Her immediately followed him, arms reaching out as if to cuddle "Hmmm, okay, that's enough of this. I, uh, a gentleman always—when a man and Girl are intimate, it's polite to remove, certain—"

"I get it, Gob. You're still covered in our jism. There's some embroidered washcloths in the restroom for you to wipe yourself down with."

Embroidered with scenes from the Passion of the Christ it turned out. Mel Gibson's Passion. 

Gob'd had to admit, whoever had embroidered them had a real talent for emotional expression through thread. 

But there weren't going to be any gory towels (Jeez, these hardcore Christians are _hardcore_ ) to wipe himself with this time. And there weren't any giant stuffed koalas in this bed to wrap his arms around in the night instead of the girl who would keep clawing for him in her sleep. Oh shit, he was nervous, wasn't he? Well that was just because it was whats-her-name, and she'd been pretty mean to him earlier, actually, acting all mad about his plan to get her to fake gay sex Tony so he could reveal Tony as a guy who had straight sex with ladies. What if she was mean to him again? What if she wasn't going to just lie there and wanted him to do something awful like _go down on her,_ or look her in the eyes while they did it?

 _Just relax, you've had sex loads of times before, even loads of times when you had to actually do her the whole time._ Gob nodded encouragingly to himself. _Thanks guy, that talk really helped. Of course I can do this. Just have to put it in a few times and then we'll take the Ann off Mask and Tony'll be ruined—he'll be forever, ruined forever—_

The door opened. There was a figure in the doorway, lit from behind by the light in the hallway. 

_She looks like, five inches taller. Must be the mini robe. Black always makes you look taller._ The figure walked in, not saying a word; in the poor lighting, it looked like a severely stoned, really seems about 5'7" version of himself, Gob Bluth. _And is that Tony's cologne? Sexy. I mean, on her, it's sexy. On a woman it's sexy. Light Blue pour homme pour... Her._

The figure didn't say a word. Their face didn't move, because it couldn't, because it was actually an inanimate Gob Bluth mask. It was creepy, but also kind of hot. Not that Gob thought himself was hot, you know, although if he thought about it, he was actually kind of _super_ hot; he'd been a Hot Cop, for God's sake! But it was the mask thing, it was kinky. Yeah, the way that body was moving, so good at masking the fact that it was a very female woman in that black mini robe that was showing off those shapely legs who was simply pretending to be the obviously masculine and manly Gob Bluth. He was gonna have sex with himself but in a different way, and then he was going to not only have sex with a woman but destroy his life—his rival's life— with Tony— _should_ —

The mattress dipped; the pressure of the other person's legs on the bed have him sliding a little closer to the edge as they climbed onto him, one knee outside his left thigh while the other was between his legs. _She's sure been hiding some sexy gams under those Bible skirts,_ Gob thought. The person on him leaned forward a little, steadying themselves with one hand on Gob's upper thigh and the other on his shoulder. Still they said nothing. Gob felt the fake mask hair brush his own fake forehead. 

" _Hello_ ," Gob said, in what he thought was a Tony Wonder voice, which wasn't really that different from his own so he didn't really do too much. A seductive Tony Wonder voice, eager to get his hands on Gob Bluth and then quickly reveal him to actually have been a her in a mask the whole time. "Are you ready to have real gay—normal—sex with me? I mean, of course you are. You sexy, you."

"Tell me more." said the person, and wow, Gob did not know that mouth could make a voice like that. It sounded all confident, and husky, and kind of, and this was crazy, like her impression of Gob's voice was exactly like if _Tony Wonder_ was trying to sound like Gob Bluth. 

"Oh, I'm going to get my hands all over you, and it's going to be so hot, you tight little minx. Manx. Mmm, whatever. Important thing is, we're gonna do it." 

"Hell yeah we are." Okay, maybe it was because it was kinky and wrong to have sex with himself but actually her in a mask, but it was seriously hot having that fake Gob voice coming out of the person on top of him, probably because that person was going to touch his penis soon and that was usually mostly always awesome and that's why it was hot, not because he was attracted to his own manly, husky, deep voice. Impressively deep; maybe Mask could have a career as a voice actor. That was probably hot, too? It sure felt hot. 

Yeah, this was really working for him, for some reason. Maybe because it was all so wrong, the fake gay sex with the fake deep voice that sounded— sounded _same_. Both of Gob's hands made their way up the legs that were starting to wrap around his, and then cupped that ass that was _right there_ , come on, and _wow_ , that was not the shape he was expecting to feel; what the hell kind of skirts was this girl wearing that made him think he'd be in for kind of wide and squishy but was actually like, rock hard and such a bubble butt, wow. 

"That cologne smells really good on you. Really good. What a nice, manly scent. It's so nice to have my hands on you." He squeezed that glorious butt, and yep, he was into it, this was, well, probably the most turned on he'd ever by someone without being balls deep in them, and it was because of this her in the Gob mask. Maybe he'd made a huge mistake. Well, but he was banging her now, wasn't he? Maybe if they'd been married, she wouldn't have done all the pilates or cross training or squats or whatever she'd done to make this tight little—

"That feels so good." Gob continued to be blown away by how much her was sounding like Tony—like Gob. "Touch me all you want."

"Don't mind if I do." Gob reached up to rip (well, forcefully tug) open the front of the black mini robe. He did so, and like usual, went right in—"Don't mind if I—" for the chest.

Even for Gob, it seemed unlikely that he'd misremembered her having breasts he could hold in his hands instead of this, this flat, solid, slightly haired...?

"You haven't had a breast cancerdeptomy recently, have you?" 

"What?"

"You— your chest." The chest was moving slightly beneath his hands, and it was warm, and supple, and soft, and-—"You didn't have anything, removed...?"

"Uh, no..."

That was—that was a man's chest. 

"I just, um, last time, that we had sex—the last time we had gay sex, normal sex, gay normal sex, it was, you— _you_ —" He lost his train of thought and anxiously laughed. There were explosions going off in his head. He'd never touched a man's chest like this, with them all straddled over him. Not this sober, and it only counted really if it was this sober or more. If this was counting. If— "Should—should I— with the bare chest—if it's a guy—"

" _Gob_?" 

"Oh my _god_." Something compelled Gob to explore the rest of the body whose bare skin was under his hands. He felt down from that chest to the ribs and down to the tight, taut stomach, which also had a little hair, which was. It was. "Tony?"

The pressure on Gob's body eased off a little; the hand on his shoulder disappeared, which only made the hand on his thigh grip tighter. And then it removed the Gob mask. 

Gob quickly retracted his hands. "Tony—how did you—you're early!"

"It is you! _You're_ wearing the Tony mask, not—wow, do I ever feel—"

"Same!" Gob said, because he really, really did. 

He took off the Tony mask and threw it aside. Man, was it nice to be out of that thing.

"Same." Tony repeated. "That, that girl, you know the one, who was at the church where you were doing your Jesus trick, she was here! You were supposed to be her! Church was going to help me destroy you!"

"Same! She was going to wear that Gob mask , and then halfway through we'd take it off—"

"You were going to fake me having straight sex with her?"

"And you... were going to fake me having gay sex with you!"

"Yes! Then it would be on tape that you have gay sex, ruining your reputation as the Christian magician. It was brilliant. I mean, not that brilliant; Plan came up with it, not me. But still, pretty solid, right?"

"But why would you do that to me?"

"I was mad! You pretended to be gay for me. You manipulated me. I thought we were, you know. Same."

"What, and I hurt your feelings? You're, you're one to talk— you're faking gay, too! Which I just found out about today, by the way. Real nice to all the real gays, _appropritating_ their culture so you can make money. Tony Wonder..."

"You were doing the same thing!"

"Same..." Gob said, and even though everything was going wrong, darkness his old friend was not playing in his head. In fact, there wasn't any music at all, inside his head or out, just the sound of him and Tony breathing in the room. "Same." he said again, suddenly elated. "Turns out we really were same this whole time. Both of us having sex with Mask to expose the other. Well, originally I was going to have her have sex with you while wearing a Gob Ann. Gob mask. But then she said she didn't want to have sex with you—burn on you!— so then I came up with the idea for me to wear the you mask so her could still have sex with me like she wanted!"

"Okay, but she did want to have sex with me! Or she said she did." 

"So we were both trying to screw each other."

"By not screwing each other. Screwing Plan instead."

"We had the same Ann." 

"Okay, that's crazy, because _she_ came to _me_. I got here a little early, and then there _she_ was, which I was not expecting—"

"We were going to have sex before my sex date with you! Okay, that's what she thought when she came over here. I just wanted her here so we could get video of you having straight sex."

"And she said that you were setting _me_ up, that you weren't really gay and that you were going to expose me for being fake gay."

Gob lost the excitement he'd felt at all the sameness. "I, um. Yeah. That was, my plan. Nothing personal. Just a deep personal _professional_ vendetta against you as a magician, because of all the times you've betrayed me. Need I remind you of how you trapped me in my own illusion and then banged my supposed to be wife? _My_ supposed to be wife!"

"Gob... I didn't lock you in your illusion. I wouldn't do that, man. I wouldn't... hurt you. I mean, I anned Bang, but that was because I was horny, it had nothing to do with you. I mean, I wanted to steal your boyfriend's tech money, but I wouldn't leave you trapped to die. I'd be kind of bummed out if you died, actually. Aw shit, there I go again. I need to stop monologing!" 

"Really?" Boyfriend's tech money—what boyfriend? Whatever. Gob had never heard anyone say anything like that to him, except Michael, who was his brother and had to keep up his good guy image so obviously that didn't count. It was making his chest feel weird, like his heart was shrinking, but also heating up like a lava lamp. "We didn't even know we were same back then! How could you—"

"I guess I've always, kind of liked you. Even without knowing all the same stuff." 

"Same. I mean, even before all the same, I thought you were the coolest magician." His face made a grin that was awfully close to being soppy; it was a good thing no one could really see with the lights in the room off. 

"Really? Gee, Gob..."

Gob laughed awkwardly. "Well, let's not forget that you're lying about being the Gay Magician. You made a baby and that takes straight sex, and that makes you not gay and so you are a _liar_." 

"Well what about you? You obviously took Plan back here because you're straight for women."

"I was lying to you the whole time." Gob admitted. It was the weirdest thing, but it felt really, really good. "I was so angry when I thought you'd sabotaged my illusion and got me locked in a storage locker— man that sucked! I was going to make you fall in love with me and then dump you so you could feel the betrayal I felt. The professional magician's betrayal. But then— never mind. That's it."

"I mean, I get it. I don't get why you thought it was me who trapped you in the cave, but if something like that happened to me, I'd be pretty pissed, too. Especially if it was a magician I admired. Like if _you'd_ done that to _me_."

"You admire me?" Normally Gob would have felt embarassed at how small and needy his voice sounded, but there was really a lot going on right now, and it didn't really register. "But you're Tony Wonder!"

"Yeah, well, I like your style. Yeah, you don't always pull it off, but your ambition, man... You dream so big. I wish I could dream that big."

"Well aren't we, aren't we just being a bunch of girls. A bunch of straight man girls. Having feelings and all that stuff."

"It's, um. It's kind of nice. Like that night we just talked."  
  
Gob thought about that for a bit. That really had been nice. And this, this was nice, too. Even though they were like, really close together, which didn't seem very straight. But...

"Tony?"

"Yeah, Gob?"

"This might sound kind of weird, but... Do you want to stop being rivals and be actual best friends instead?"

Gob could just barely tell that Tony was smiling at him. "I'd really like that. I was really worried about missing you once I betrayed you, man. I mean, I thought I needed to, but it still hurt, you know?"

Gob wasn't crying or anything, his eyes were just kind of watery for probably no reason. Or maybe it was all that nice cologne. "Same. I'm same. Actually kind of near the end, like right before you came in, I was kind of angry with you for making me destroy our life together. But now we can just be friends. It'll be her we have revenge on, not each other."

"I don't get it, though. Why did she trick us? What's the point in getting me to switch places with her?"

"Maybe she just hates us. I bet she didn't even realise that we were friends underneath all the pretending to be gay but secretly being rivals but then secretly admiring each other as magicians and being jealous of each other's talents." 

"I mean, we didn't know about that part until just now."

"Yeah." Gob was becoming increasingly physically aware that Tony hadn't really moved off him, and was still kind of seated between his legs. Which was, well— should the guys—should the guys who just decided they were best friends— should the two guy best friends who were on the bed—"Uh, I guess we don't need to... don't need to pretend to be gay with each other any more."

"Yeah. I mean, it was really hard. To pretend all that gay stuff. I mean, I'm a straight man." Tony looked at him with a very serious face, like not even looking away at all, which must mean that he was seriously, super straight, right?

"Me too. I was— it was— the hardest. Straighest. Like..." Gob laughed again. "Like, when I thought you were her I was like, wow, this is a _nice_ ass, get me a handful of that, but now that I know it was you, like, no thank you! I am not gay for that tight man ass, you know? A man's firm buttocks, not my thing. I can't believe I had my hands on it, actually— I thought it was her! Anyone would have— nicest—" Gob would probably have figured it out sooner if he hadn't been so distracted by touching that smooth, firm butt, actually. Tony's fault and his pilates or cross training or squats or whatever he did to get that ass so shapely, yeah. Gob's so mixed up, he's even getting a little hard (okay, hard _er_ , okay, his boner had never really gone away) remembering getting those handfuls of Tony's ass while thinking he had his hands on a fake man who was actually a lady helping him to expose his longtime nemesis. Wires all crossed down there, well, half the time the damn thing didn't behave anyway so who was he—

"And when I climbed on top of you it was because I thought it was her under the Tony mask, not you. I wouldn't get so close to you—you know, if I knew it was you. I mean, except when I thought you were gay because I was trying to exploit you and your boyfriend. I was _pretending_ to want to then."

Okay, but Tony knew it was him now, and he was still pretty close. Which meant something. Meant _something_ , but like, didn't everything, so really, he didn't need to think about it too hard, he doesn't have time to think about _everything_. "Must be pretty hard. To pretend. Yeah. I wouldn't have let, let it get this hard. This far." 

Tony looked down, like he was suddenly realising that he was still on top of Gob. He seemed to startle, which made him lose his balance, which had him fall forward even closer onto Gob. And that meant his pelvis rocked forward a little—

"Hmmm mmm--" Fuck, that was not the noise he was supposed to make! "Huh, I mean, get off of me. What, are you, are you actually really gay, because..."

Tony pushed himself up to look at Gob. That hammering was back in his chest, because damn, Tony looked at him so intensely sometimes and it was so intense when they were pretending, and it's still so intense now, which, that had to mean something, probably, definitely, and also, Tony had such gorgeous eyes it was kind of making him dizzy to look into them. "Gob. Are you hard?"

"What??" He sputtered, too exuberantly, which just had him rock foward into Tony, and yes, okay, yes, he was still hard, from thinking about how he thought Tony's ass was not Tony's ass, although it _was_ , and it was still on him, which his dick maybe kind of seemed to like, okay? "Am I—that's not—That's probably just, leftover, from when I thought you were a lady." 

"Do you wish I was a lady right now?"

"What? No way. I mean, if you were, we wouldn't be... same. I want to be same." 

"Yeah. Me too." Tony was looking at him, and he wasn't looking away. Wasn't looking away, wasn't moving away, if anything they were closer than they'd ever been before. Oh man, Gob felt weird, like the first time he'd done a real magic show, like the first time he'd seen Tony perform, actually, and his whole body had felt. Alive. 

"Tony—" His voice cracked a little. "I think." 

"Yeah? What, Gob?" 

"I think I want to kiss you." It was the weirdest thing, because he was pretty sure he'd never wanted to _kiss_ someone before. Kiss them to lead them into having sex with him, sure, but wanting the actual kissing? What, was he gay or something? Or like, did all best friends want to smash their mouths together? 

" _Same_." Tony said. "Oh my god, same." Tony was looking at him like he was just as surprised as Gob that he wanted what he wanted. He seemed so vulnerable and open, but also so definitely right there, all warm and handsome and should— should the guys, in the $80 mini robes—

"Well—" Gob said, dazed. "I, uh... Good." Tony's eyes were starting to get all lidded and hazy and shit, he was starting to lean in to Gob's space even further, and now they were touching like, all of their body parts together, and Gob was definitely 100% hard, because it was Tony, and— "Yeah, I definitely do— do want to kiss you. I want to kiss you." He leaned in the rest of the way, saying "I actually...want it, so _bad_." against Tony's mouth, and fuck, Tony had nice lips. The kind you just wanted to nibble at, so he did, and that made Tony let out a sexy little moan and then there was nothing for it but to get his tongue into that mouth, that nice hot mouth that seemed just as eager for his. 

"Tony," he said, all breathy and needy, but Tony didn't seemed turned off by that at all. Actually, it seemed to turn the guy on, like maybe he'd like the fact that Gob was a needy, shameless hedonist who just wanted someone to go to town on him. 

"Shit," Tony says, which, _yeah_. 

"Why does this feel so good?" Gob had never felt like this before. If he hadn't been so distracted by all of the wonderful sensations and the fact that Tony Wonder had really, actually said that he _liked_ him, Gob Bluth, it would have been hard for even him to avoid the obvious conclusion.

But there _were_ all those explodey feelings going on. Like, who knew his ribcage was so sensitive? Or that having his tongue sucked on by a guy with a scratchy W-shaped goatee would make him feel so close to creaming his pants? 

Tony broke away, both of them gasping for breath. "I don't know. I've never—" 

" _I've_ never—"

"Same!"

It goes without saying that neither of these men had ever been told what the prefix _homo-_ in 'homosexual' means. 

"This is gonna sound weird, but, I want to have _sex_ with you. Like, for real, gay sex with you, right now. Just, real hot and heavy, fuck the shit out of you sex."

"You're blowing my mind." Suddenly confident, Gob leered at his new partner. "Kind of want you to blow something else of mine, too." 

"Maybe we can both get our things blown."

Tony surged forward to kiss him again, so Gob grabbed the back of his head to keep him in place and press them even closer together, and wasn't that weird, that he suddenly couldn't seem to get Tony close enough, because that _never_ happened. Usually he felt clammy and crowded when he had to be too close during sex. He always had to close his eyes and concentrate when a woman was pressing their bodies together so all their skin was touching all intimate and romantic like because that was terrifying, okay, it was _terrifying_ to be so close to someone because maybe they'd want to do it _again_ , and it was hard to stay hard when you're terrified. 

And he felt kind of scared now, but in the opposite way; he was scared that _he_ would want to do it again. He wanted it so much _now_. And it was just making him more hard, just the biggest erection he'd ever had in his life as far as he could tell, and on top of that huge throbbing hard-on was Tony Wonder, who was, yeah, okay, the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. So sexy Gob was just moaning like a whore when he wasn't tongue-fucking Tony's mouth, because he couldn't help it, okay, how was he supposed to help it? 

Tony's nice, clever hands were grabbing at Gob's robe and pulling it open, and Gob had always admired those quick hands, obviously, as a professional, but this was on a whole other level, those gorgeous hands using their skill to unwrap Gob like a present. 

"Is this okay?" Tony asked him, pausing before he pulled the robe off completely. It was the sexiest question Gob had ever been asked in bed. 

" _God_ yes." He leaned back. "Get it off me." Tony did. Tony's own robe was quickly discarded the rest of the way (thrown to the side of the room, which resulted in the glitter bomb in the inner pocket going off when it landed against the wall), and then he was crawling on top of Gob as he scooted his body further up the bed. He grasped the back of Gob's head and pulled him up into a kiss, fast and filthy and insatiable and is this what Gob had actually been missing all this time? Is this what all those people talked about when they said sex was better when you. When you lo—

Tony was making the best noises. Moans, but they weren't high pitched and timed like a porn video, they were low and desperate, like Gob was really pulling them from Tony's body and Tony didn't have a choice in the matter. They both pulled back for air, but not too far, and Gob could feel Tony panting into his neck, and each breath sent more sparks flying through his body. The two layers still left between them, Tony's tight black briefs and Gob's thin burgundy man thong, felt like too much and almost nothing at the same time. It felt so, so good, so good, to feel that other hard cock touching his, even with the fabric in the way; he could tell it was hot, and thick, and fuck, it was Tony's, Tony who was licking up his neck and saying, "You're such a good kisser."

"Hard not to be when you've got such a hot mouth." Gob whispered into Tony's ear, and then gently bit at his earlobe. "I could suck on your tongue all night. I bet that's not the only thing I'd like sucking, too."

"Jesus, Gob." 

Gob got his hands back on that fantastic ass. "God, you're so sexy. I can't even— I can't even control myself." He pulled Tony's body into his, wanting to get closer, needing that hard dick right up against his. 

"Yeah? You want to fuck me, Gobie?" Gob's brain nearly short-circuited. Did he. _Did_ he? "You sure seem to like my ass."

"Mmm, Tony, stop talking. More putting your tongue in my mouth. Fuck I like your tongue in my mouth." 

" _Same._ " 

Gob growled and, in a move that he'd never actually been able to pull off before, flipped them around so that he was on top. Tony pulled him back down into a kiss and it was so fast and so hot and so messy and so perfect, he couldn't help but grind himself down onto Tony, moaning into his mouth, "God, _Tony_. Mmmm, you feel so good. " 

Tony grabbed a small handful of his hair and pulled, just a little harder than gentle, which, fuck, _fuck_ , Gob had forgotten that he liked his hair pulled. Tony's mouth was right up against his ear, and shit, he'd forgotten about his ear thing, too. "Keep talking like that, Gobie. Tell me what you want."

"I want your hand on my ass." Gob said, before he could second guess himself. "Can you—can you touch me? Please, I want you so bad, please touch me."

"Like this?" Still with his hand in Gob's hair, Tony put his hand on Gob's inner thigh and slid it up and caressed the curve of his backside, which, if you had to ask, Gob thought was also pretty damn nice. It felt good over the silk of his thong, but he wanted more. Less. More of less. 

"Take my thong off." His voice was almost a whisper. Though he was still on top he felt like he was the one at Tony's mercy, because Tony was making him feel crazy, in the best way he'd ever felt. It wasn't just that Tony was the first real friend he'd made in like, his entire life and the first person he'd ever actually felt connected to, it was everything about him, and also that Gob seemed to maybe be, like a little bit, just based on the evidence of the last few weeks and especially the last half hour and also come to think of it some pretty obvious hints throughout his life, _a little bit_ definitely actually super gay.

Tony did take his thong off. Then, looking Gob right in the eye as he did so, took his cock into his hand. "You like having my hand on your dick?"

"God, so much. That's so— that's so _hot_. You like this dick in your hand, Tony?"

No woman had ever looked at him like Tony was looking at him right now, he was pretty sure. "Yeah, it feels really good. You're so fucking hard for me, aren't you."

"Mmm hmm." Gob gasped. "I've never been this hard in my life! God, I could cut steel—"

"You like how i'm touching you?" Tony stroked him, alternating slow and fast strokes, and like, same, that's exactly how Gob likes it. "Tell me it feels good, Gobie. Tell me I'm making you feel good." 

"You're so perfect, I can't even-- can't even believe you're so good, it's just hands—"

"Yeah but you like my hands, don't you."

"They're so good at magic! I love watching you."

"I love watching you right now. You look so good when I'm jacking you off."

"Yeah?"

"It's so hot, babe. Fuck, you're so hot." Even though it was Gob who was getting his dick pulled, Tony sounded just as desperate as Gob felt.

"God, you think I'm so sexy, don't you. You should have seen me in my—my Hot Cop days."

Tony paused for a moment, moving back a little to get a better look at Gob. Gob preened a little, feeling like maybe Tony was enjoying looking at his bare chest just as much as he was liking seeing Tony's. "You were a stripper? Jesus fuck, Gob, you're going to kill me." Tony looked at him as he rubbed his thumb over Gob's cockhead, such a tease, just enough pressure that it send little waves of pleasure through him at every swipe. 

"You like that idea. Me dancing, getting all _slutty_ —" Tony's hand was stroking him again, building up pressure even faster that last time. "You do, don't you. You'd love to see me all sweaty and dancing all sexy-like. I bet you'd love me grinding all over your lap for a private dance."

"Did you do private dances?" Tony asked, sounding a lttle out of breath, like maybe he'd been caught off guard by how much he liked this side of Gob. "I had no idea you were so,"

"So whorish?"

"No, no, it's not bad. It's actually kind of—I just didn't know you'd be so easy. That came out wrong."

"But I am easy." Gob told him, and reached down to pull at Tony's briefs. "I'm a huge slut, ask anyone." 

"I don't need to, babe, that's the point." Gob took that nice hot dick into his hands and wow, was that ever awesome. It was Tony's dick, obviously, but it felt so. You know. 

"Yeah? You can tell I want you to tongue fuck me while you jack me off until I come all over your hands?" He copied the way Tony was working his shaft, looking him in the eye as he did it, and Tony seemed to like that a lot, because his hips bucked forward and he growled, like a wild animal, like someone who was losing control of himself because the other guy in his bed was actually fucking _amazing_ at real gay sex. "Or that I can't wait to get your hard cock into my mouth?"

"God, Gob, keep talking." 

"I think- I think I want you to put your cock in my ass." The thought alone was almost enough to make him come. He'd put things up his ass before, obviously; who hadn't? Women seemed to like it sometimes and it's not like they were gay, right, so why wouldn't he try it? And with his sex date with Tony coming up, why wouldn't he, maybe, do it while thinking about Tony putting something in him?

"You do?" 

"I mean I don't think we have time for that because I am gonna come in like, thirty seconds." 

"Yeah, you're doing so good, I'm so close, Gobie—"

He surged forward and pressed Tony into the mattress, and then licked his way into his mouth, stroking Tony's tongue with his own because he still couldn't get close enough, but it was so good, so fucking good. 

"You're gonna— you're gonna make me come so hard, Tony, I can't believe it, this is the, this is the best—"

"Same," Tony removed his hand from Gob's cock for an agonizing second before he brought their two shafts together, which, okay, that was ever better than just Tony's hand, it was Tony's hand and his dick and his whole body just everywhere, everything Tony pistoning his hips and gasping into his mouth and getting precum all over the two of them. 

"That dick feels so good. You gonna come with me, Tony? 'Cause I am gonna come so, so hard..."

"Yes—" Gob's entire body felt electrified; every hot, wet kiss he had with Tony went straight to his dick, which already felt fantastic because it was frotting against Tony's in that sexy magician's hand and he could feel that other cock starting to twitch, like his did when he was about to come like a geyser. "Oh, fuck—"

"So good—"

" _Gob._ " And wow, who knew hearing his name growled like that by Tony Wonder would be the thing to do it for him, but it sure fucking did. 

"Tony!" His hips jerked forward and he kept thrusting against Tony as he came, head buried in his neck as Tony grasped the back of his head and pulsed through his own climax. It seemed to go on forever; the whole world was just his dick, in an almost infinite moment where it was just him and Tony, the only two real things left over by what was by far the best sexual explosion of his life. 

And that had been _just hands_. 

He collapsed right on top of, _Tony Wonder_ , who he had just made explode like a glitter bomb. He had just exploded all over Tony like a glitter bomb; like seriously, there was cum everywhere. Which was-- aw shit, that was totally super hot. If he'd been twenty he'd be getting hard again. The best he could do at forty—thirty—whatever, was one last little twitch. One last little twitch that meant unless he did his usual and forgot this now later, it was looking pretty unavoidable that he was, well. 

"Gay." he mumbled into the pillow, which was also housing a good chunk of Tony's neck, and then Gob pretty much just passed right out. 


End file.
